Cabbage and Black Eyed Peas

Oh hi.

Remember that time I disappeared from this place for 4 years?

I couldn't catch you up on things. Not that you need catching up because let's be real, Lauren and Jenny, you're the only ones reading this and you know what's happened.

But even if I did want to catch you up, I couldn't because my life for the past 9 years has been moved to a new hard drive and everything has been renamed as letters and numbers. It's kinda fun to click on a random file and see something I haven't seen in years and go "oh yeah, that happened". Although sometimes I'd rather not be reminded.

Anyway, as I was sitting here on this first day of 2015, I started thinking, it's probably time to stop talking and starting writing again. So here.

Let me just start out by saying, I have no idea where this is going. There is four years worth of stuff in my brain so this will be interesting.

There was a time in my life where I was just going. All. The. Time. It's funny how you go through phases like that. My bank account was used for traveling and basically nothing else. I miss that time. I think there was one year where I went on 3 major vacations in the middle of flying across the country going from air show to air show for work. I lived the hell outta life back then. And then, plans and relationships evolved into something else. People came and went and my life changed with it. I'm not a fan of change. At all. (Which is why New Years is one of my least favorite holidays). Don't get me wrong,  a lot of things in my life have changed for the better. Case and point - college me vs. now me.  What a train wreck that was. But that's beside the point. Anyway, here I am. And here I sit. Looking back on the years passed and being all nostalgic. I wish I was one of those people who was able to never look back. But I'm a dweller. Which is why I'm writing this letter to myself and you who are reading this now. Bless your heart for being here.

I traveled to Japan, met my family and my life changed forever. I ended up in the most unlikely job where I found that one thing that everyone searches for their entire life but few ever find. Utter happiness with their work. Then I had to leave that job for a job I hated with everything inside of me. And I stayed for two years. Which was two years too long. I found love and was the happiest I had ever been. I lost a family member. I lost a pet. I've watched the health of another family member steadily decline. I've seen yet another fight demons that won't back down. I rescued a puppy from a ditch and now she's become one of the most important things in my life. She is my happy in my current world of struggle. My relationship ended unexpectedly and I fought hard to keep it alive but didn't succeed. It kills me every single day. I found yet another job which isn't a job at all. It's a career and I am happy to be growing there.

All of that to say, there's been a mix of happy and sad. But I'm now searching for things I've lost along the way. There's a emptiness there and I can't seem to fill it no matter how hard I fight. I miss my life on the road and in the skies. I miss my grandpa. I miss my kitty cat. I miss my friends that are spread across the country and those that are a stones throw away but still unreachable. I miss a boy. I my life with that boy. I miss all of these people who either aren't here, aren't who they used to be, or just aren't a part of my life anymore. This is the kind of change I'm talking about.

You know what, sometimes shit just happens. IT REALLY HAPPENS. And life doesn't care if you sink or swim. We all go through it but under different circumstances. But I swear sometimes it seems like I've faced more than my fair share of shit happening. Which I know isn't true. There are alooooot of people out there who have seen far worse. And God bless them for making it through the struggle. I'm slowly learning how to fight mine.

I can't say that one day, none of this will matter. It's always going to matter when love abides unconditionally. Therefore, it's always going to sting when I'm reminded of these things and people I've lost. I'm always going to be a little bit sad. Always. But I'm also going to happy. Because I can. And because I have plans that excite the hell out of me. And because one day, love will find it's way back to me.

Here's to 2015, every year ahead of it and the fight for love. Because guess what, the L word is all you need.

well....hi

let me just start out by saying i'm sorry to about the three people that might actually read this. or did read.

i stopped blogging back in december. this wasn't due to any sudden anti blog protest or anything. i just stopped because i found myself in one of those quarter life crisis funks and had nothing to say and quite frankly, just didn't feel like it. the last you heard from me, i was getting ready for a night out with my family to see 'true grit'. well let me update you on everything since that day.

i left work, and then this happened.

that's right. i had a wreck. i was on my way to pick up my mom's christmas present before heading to ruston to meet up with the family for our movie night. i glanced down for one split second and when i looked up, i was sailing into the back of a suburban who had slammed on their brakes in front of me. the civic was totaled. when it happened, my air bag exploded in my face and i couldn't see anything. the next thing i know, the people behind me are pulling me out of my car. once i realized what was going on, i freaked out. i literally sat in the middle of east 70th crying my eyes out for a good 45 min while the emt checked me out and the cops questioned me. thankfully, i was okay and only came out with some pretty nasty bruises and scratches. it still hurts to bend my shoulder a certain way due to the impact of the seat belt.

i called my parents who were getting ready to meet up with us all in ruston. unfortunately, they live an hour and half away so i had to wait for them to come get me. they cancelled our movie night but i wasn't having it. i told them we were still going to see the movie no matter what. and we did. and it was amazing.

three car-less weeks went by. let me just tell you, there were some serious meltdowns and fights.

that experience completely changed my outlook on alot. ALOT. i suddenly realized how fortunate i was to have always had my own car. i found myself being so much more grateful for everything i had. not that i never was, just more so. i almost feel blessed to have gone through that.

fortunately, the accident was NOT my fault and i got enough back from the insurance company to buy a new car!

i love her. she is perfect.

but i can't say i don't miss my civic...what with her sunroof and 33mpg. i was emotionally attached to that car. and i actually felt sorry for it when we left it at the impound lot....

but what's done is done and i started out 2011 with a new car and a new job. a job that sends me flying in private jets should i ever need to go somewhere like say...dallas to catch a flight to the caribbean. not too shabby. and now here we are....new car. new job. flying in private jets. escaping to the caribbean to visit friends when i feel like it. honestly, my life rules. i'm so blessed. but i want more out of life. sound bratty? no....i'm just young and free and i want to take advantage of that. i want to experience the world while i've still got the chance to do it. i mean, do i really need another reason?

i just got back from my third trip to the islands to visit my friends.

cheers to that!

i went for a second time back in august and september and fell in love with it all over again. not that i ever stopped loving it and not that i ever stopped wanting to move there. it's funny how things come full circle. when i first started this blog, it was during my first trip to st. thomas. and now i've just gotten back from round three and of course, i still want to move there. i've made so many friends there and it has begun to feel like home. friends i will keep for the rest of my life wether they move off st. thomas or not. friends that greet me with hugs and kisses when they see me even though they met me once when they were drunk because they still remember me from a year ago. i love them and i miss them all on a daily basis. every time i go, i come back with five more friends. it's never the same trip twice. and i hope i can buy a one way ticket soon. i know i know....it seems like all talk because i've said it a million times before but in actuality, i'm completely serious. so what's stopping me? oh remember that new car i mentioned? there went my bank account.

but i've come to a point in my life where it's sink or swim and now or never. if i don't live out my dreams now, i never will. i've never been the settling kind. i'm someone who always needs a mission or a goal to work towards. when i graduated from college i felt lost and like i had no purpose. i'm making it my new mission to make travel happen. all my life, all i've ever wanted to do, was travel. whether it's moving to the islands or finding a way out of the country to do something meaningful. it may be a year from now or two years from now but at least i have a goal. and it may change and i may decide to do something completely different. but at least i'll have something to work toward. i need to not feel like like i'm doing nothing. so here's to being young and free!

tonight...

my whole entire family is going.

the christmas tree disaster 2010

about two weeks ago, as i was helping my mom decorate the tree, we noticed that it was slightly off. so i started hanging more ornaments in the back to balance it out. we even shifted the tree in the stand because it wasn't sitting evenly. something about the tree was just awkward. it's a real tree so the trunk isn't perfectly straight anyway. we finally finished it around 11. it looked great! my mom is a huge ornament collector. she's got every kind of ornament you could imagine. and because she's a teacher, her students always give her ornaments as christmas presents. she's been teaching for over 30 years so as you can imagine, she's built up quite the collection. not to mention the ones she gives us (her kids) every single year. yep. every year, my brothers and i get an ornament. ya'll....we've got alot. but anyway, some of these ornaments are really nice. like really nice. some she bought in europe. some given to her by friends or students, some were designer ornaments that have been discontinued. you get the idea. they are irreplaceable and expensive.

here's a picture of our tree as we were decorating it.

so we finished putting on all the ornaments and mom is sitting in the living room searching the cabinets for the angel she decided to use this year. we've got lots of angels too. and every year we can never decide which one to use. so as mom is looking through her angels, i'm in the kitchen when all of a sudden, i hear the most god awful noise a person can hear this time of year.

crash.

i look over and the tree is gone. out of site. so i looked down, and there it was. the tree fell. yes i said fell. i know this happens to someone just about every year, but it's never happened to us. ever. and as i walked back into the living room, i looked at the floor and it looked like a glass factory had exploded across the room. every single irreplaceable ornament we had was gone. years and hundreds of dollars worth of ornaments, shattered. and when i say shattered, i mean like tiny, microscopic pieces of glass were everywhere.

i thought my mom was going to cry.

so after just staring in horror at what had just happened for about 2 or 3 min. we picked up the tree as carefully as we could and i sat on the floor for h o u r s trying to super glue the shattered pieces of christmas back together. what was salvageable anyway. but most of them were gone. i told mom "i bet when you go back to school on monday and tell everyone what happened, they'll all give you ornaments for christmas."

:(

the next week, she had her work christmas party. and what do you know. i called it. the woman came home with literally, boxes of ornaments people had given her. tons. i'm not sure of the exact amount, but she got alot. alot alot.

so we redecorated the tree with all of the new pretty ornaments and mom tied it up so the tree wouldn't fall again.

i took all of these with my phone so the quality isn't that great. but you get the idea.

a list.

p.s. i'm still not ready to tell you about the weekend disaster.

meh...

something really awful happened this weekend. other than that one thing, my weekend was good. went to sushi, went shopping, decorated for christmas. but then something really really bad happened. i won't tell you about it until we've completely fixed it....maybe by tomorrow. maybe. in the meantime, watch this. lissie makes me wish i could sing so i could just get up on stage and go crazy. because i would. trust me. but i can't sing. at all....damn.

p.s. i'm making some of my christmas gifts again this year. expect a DIY in the coming weeks.

the bo burnham and (no) friends tour.

hi!

the last couple of days have been some real doozies! but i'm back. i went to bed an hour earlier and had a starbucks doubleshot on the drive to work so i'm good to go.

how was your thanksgiving?! mine was pretty good. i caught up on my sleep, hung out with the family and went and saw the new harry potter. i cried.

anyway, as i promised here are my pictures and videos from the bo show! i can't express to you how much i love this guy. he stays after all of his shows to meet every single person who's willing to wait in line for a picture and autograph. and his kindness is completely genuine. how cool is that? i got to talk with him for a couple of minutes and he's seriously one of the nicest people i've ever met. he told me he liked my shirt, gave me a hug and thanked me twice for coming to his show. i told him i'd been watching him for years and that his new stuff was unbelievable. he was overly grateful. he really loves his fans and we love him!

although i do have some of my own videos, i did not record these. i'm having some technical difficulties and can't upload mine right now so i found some on youtube to post instead. these are actually from another show on the same tour but i HAD to share them with you. it's some of his new material and were my absolute favorite parts of the show by far. probably because he's just so fun to watch when he's dancing and the lyrics are amazing. listen to the words though. they're genius.

man i love this guy. he's so talented and smart.
this next song is incredible.

these are mine, however. enjoy!

(sorry for the poor quality of these next two. they were taken with a friends phone.)
this is me talking with bo. i wish i could sit and talk to him for hours. he's just so great.

if you ever get a chance to catch bo on tour, PLEASE go. you won't regret it. and i suggest waiting in line to meet him afterwards because he's just so dang nice it's ridiculous. you wouldn't think that just listening to his material because some of it is kind of terrifying...ha! but in all actuality, he's super kind and humbled by people who genuinely love him and his comedy. 'stage bo' and 'hi nice to meet you bo' are two completely different people. (listen to me talking like i know him or something)...but seriously, within the first 30 seconds of meeting him, you can tell how appreciative he is. he's just the same kid hanging out alone in his bedroom and doesn't give a damn about being famous. well...not totally. he's not 17 anymore and his jokes are much smarter. but he still wants to make people laugh and doesn't act like a pretentious asshole just because people know him now. i love it. i hope he keeps growing and doing this for a long long LONG time.