i give up...

i'm not fighting it anymore....twilight is the greatest thing i've ever read. and i don't care how big of nerd people think i am for saying it. last night i finished eclipse and as soon as i was done, i cracked open breaking dawn because i couldn't stop reading. no matter how tired i was. i've been fighting my urge to watch twilight and new moon back to back on repeat until i've finally finished reading the entire series. i knew i loved the movies a long time ago. but i never dreamed i would love the books even more.

my god. this scene gets me every time and this scene alone completely turned around my view of kristen stewart. she made new moon amazing. and anyone who can make me cry like that deserves major props. i'm just gonna say it. i was wrong about her. i love kristen stewart. this gives me CHILLS.

a release

is really what i need. lately i feel like the amount of things that need to be done are piling up on my plate but there is some driving force that's keeping me from doing them. and it's causing stress and tension and edginess...i just don't feel like i can do anything without help. like i need a second opinion and a watchful eye. maybe it's just fear or some weird apprehension about change or 'what if-s'. i don't know....money really stresses me out.

p.s. i'm on book 3: eclipse. i'm loving this series.

twilight

i've done it. i've finally dug into 'twilight'. and i can't say that i hate it. in fact, i really love it like everyone said i would. which i never doubted really. i just hate twilight groupies.

i've never been a big kristen stewart fan. she's too...."angsty" as lauren would say. yep. i think she hit the nail on the head with that one. bella is too sweet and shy to have someone like miss stewart play her. i mean, i r e a l l y don't like her as bella. like....r e a l l y. she's too awkward in my opinion.

anyway, i'm reading the last chapter today. amazon should be delivering the set of books to my house today so tonight i'll start on 'new moon'.

i've really enjoyed reading this. i found myself laughing ALOT over how perfect edward is. i mean, ONLY a woman could come up with that. he knows exactly what to say and exactly when to say it. like i said, only a woman could write that because no man could speak words like that on his own. i mean, he lays it on a little thick sometimes. and it's hilarious to me. but i still love it. i kinda wish the movies were more like the books.

i'm sick AGAIN. i swear, i get sick soooo much. it's exhausting. last night i went straight home and took some nyquil. i was passed out by 6. today will be much the same. the only thing good about this is all the sleep i'm getting.

i'm planning a trip to new orleans for jazz fest. hotel's getting book within the next few days. waiting for cruise prices to go back down then snagging up tickets for that. i have things i need to do today but i REALLY don't feel like doing them. but i guess getting an oil change is kind of important. shit.

yeah. i've got nothing for you.

downtown owl

if you like those random stories that go nowhere and then just like that, 'WHAM!' hit you in face and leave you with a huge look of "....w...t...f...", read 'downtown owl'.

this is my first klosterman read. i've heard nothing but praise so i picked up the only copy of his work i could find at barnes & noble. let me just say that i S-T-R-U-G-G-L-E-D to get through this determined to find the appeal of this guy. without giving anything away, if you plan on reading this (lauren), i found the thing that kept me reading, was how funny klosterman is. he's really just a sarcastic, pretentious, hipster asshole who knows exactly how smart he is, which seems impossible to gather from a book of fiction. w r o n g. normally, i loath people like that. but honestly, after finishing this book i decided to embrace it. i decided that i had to stop looking for a certain plot and just go with the fact that it's about certain people. at a certain time. what they're thinking. what they're like. what they're doing.

honestly, i started out kind of hating it. but i've come to really like it after i've had time to think about it.

after a thousand reservations, solely based on the fact that every person i know who's read 'twilight' is way too obsessed to the point where they're wearing edward cullen tshirts and firmly believe that they are vampires (ex roommate), i finally decided to give in and read it given the fact that i really do love the movie and since i'm actually reading now. plus, i'm pretty sure i promised lauren that i would read it like 6 or 7 months ago. anyway, all that aside, i really am loving it. but i can assure you that i will still make fun of twilight nerds and edward cullen groupies who camp out at the movie theater waiting for the next chapter to play out on the big screen.

so i think after i've torn through the 'twilight' saga, and maybe a few other random choices ('kite runner' being a good possibility) i think i may give 'downtown owl' another chance. this time, to read it the way it should be read. i also plan on catching up on the rest of klosterman's stuff which i'm still pretty excited about regardless of my first experience. 'sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs' and 'killing yourself to live' are begging me to read them. mainly because ol' c.k. is a funny motherfucker with a potty mouth who knows his rock & roll.

ok. i'm done with this adult edition of the reading rainbow. my throat hurts. maybe i'm getting sick a g a i n. i have mixed emotions about that.

p.s. i m d o i n g b e t t e r b u t i s t i l l n e e d t i m e.

Jazz Fest 2010 Line-Up

um. hey there. is jazz fest serious this year? like...are you effin' kiddin' me?

SAT: APRIL 24
SIMON & GARFUNKEL
MY MORNING JACKET

SUN: APRIL 25
THE ALLMAN BROTHERS

THUR: APRIL 29
BLUES TRAVELER

FRI: APRIL 30
ARETHA FRANKLIN

SAT: MAY 1
PEARL JAM
BAND OF HORSES
OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW

SUN: MAY 2
VAN MORRISON
BB KING
THE DEAD WEATHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean, i'm really not sure i can deal with this. it's too much. it's like a kid that's surrounded by awesome toys and he can't decide which ones he wants because he can't have them all and then he freaks out and has a nervous breakdown.

i know one thing. i ain't missin dead weather. that shit is a rare delicacy and the greatest thing i've ever laid my eyes and ears on. the other date i plan to attend will be determined when i've had time to collect myself. i'm torn between april 24 and may 1. unless someone wants to buy a third day for me.....

note to self:

this was MY choice. things have to get worse before they can get better. it will never feel worse than this. and one day, it won't even matter. sometimes you have to loose something important for awhile, so that when you rediscover it, it's better, stronger, and much more appreciated for what it really is. not what you want it to be.

i really hope that day comes. because forever is a long time to miss something. this won't be forever. i hope one day it will go back to the way it started. normal and uncomplicated and friendly and kind.

ah, there's just so much i want to tell you. everyday when something happens, i want to say 'hey, guess what!' i want to talk about music and how your day is going....but then i remember.

i've dropped 10lbs and stopped biting my nails (both unconsciously). i read everyday (or at least i try to when my mind stops wandering). i need to stay busy.

i miss the things i used to do. it's kind of like i've been kicked out of my own life. except i chose to be kicked out for the sake of well being. i do miss you and i look forward to the day when i don't have to anymore and i can actually say 'remember when...' and not say it to myself. this is for the best.

a list of blues rock & roll and the greatest shit i ever heard.

goin to the doc today. gonna nip this in the bud.
time.
doctor.
music.
...is all i need.

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

it's funny,

how getting rid of something that was a staple in your life can, at the same time be the ultimate relief.

things

looking forward to:
can i just tell you how freakin' excited i am about this? i can't even handle it. i'm kinda disappointed that the imax in shreve isn't showing this but ohhhh my gosh i still can't wait to see it! yay!!!!! it seems like i've been waiting on this movie for foreverrrrrrrr. johnny depp can do no wrong. i love that man.

and then there's brandi. oh sweet brandi. i told you i was goin' did i? i really don't think people understand the magnitude of her epic-ness. holy freakin' shit i can't wait!

i'm also keeping my fingers crossed that we will find our new place of residence tomorrow. i don't think i can wait another second to get back into my own place. i hope your weekend will be as good as mine!

Don Cheadle

i only just now caught up on the latest episode of 30.
i HAD to share this with you.
oh. my. god.

speed up:
liz got a root canal on valentines day and had no one to pick her up. she was trippin hard core on the pain killers and thought her nurses (who were jamaican) were all of her ex boyfriends who came to pick her up so she wouldn't be alone on the 14th.

haven't laughed that hard in weeks. i love jason sudeikis!
"don cheadle on a bed of rice!"

in case you don't know who don cheadle is, the british guy from all the oceans movies.

a follow up.

so i didn't finish perks last night because lost was on and i kind of sort of maybe lost control of myself for an hour or so until i feel asleep. that made me sound crazy...but anyway, i literally just closed perks and read the last sentence. someone told me once that they didn't like it as much as they thought they would. i'm not sure why this person said that because, to me, it seems like just the sort of thing that would make them understand. but maybe not. i guess this is confusing if you haven't read the book and don't know this person. but i digress and say, it is, even in it's most uncomfortable and controversial moments, the greatest thing i've read BECAUSE it made me understand. another person told me that this book was full of wonderful quotes. this person was right. i found more toward the end. things like:

"people who try to control situations all the time are afraid that if they don't, nothing will work out the way they want."

"it's much easier to not know things sometimes. and to have french fries with your mom be enough."

"even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."

"maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, i think that the only perspective is to really be there. because it's okay to feel things and be who you are about them."

"please believe that things are good with me. and even if they're not, they will be soon enough. and i'll believe the same about you."

i really don't like it when i'm told that "i shouldn't be upset because it's not like i'm the only one with problems" or "it's not like this was a surprise". two things i've been told in the past year. because, just like in perks, just because those things are true, doesn't make them okay. and words like that just seem like excuses to justify something that was done regardless of whether or not it was wrong. and it seems to cheapen our own emotions into something that doesn't really matter. right or wrong isn't the issue. i guess this is getting complicated so i'll stop trying to make sense out of that part. because it's not the point. my point is, it's okay to feel the way i'm feeling. regardless of circumstances, people get sad over different things. there are no rules that tell you when it's okay to be upset about something or how long to stay bitter, so why would you tell me things like "i shouldn't be upset because it's not like i'm the only one with problems"? me thinking i'm worse off than someone else isn't the case because it's simply not true. i'm just sad. plain and simple. so let me be sad and in time, that will stop. and i'll be okay. and eating french fries with my mom will be enough.

tonight i'm starting 'downtown owl'. i hope it's wonderful.

perks.

i only started reading perks about 5 or 6 hours ago and i'm already more than half way through it. this is really unusual for me. i have found that i really do like reading, i've just never found anything i like enough to actually read. i'm kind of proud of myself for taking such an interest in something that's actually good for me. maybe this will get me out of this funk i've been in. maybe i'll have more to say. i hope so. i'm giving people the cold shoulder for no apparent reason other than the fact that i've just got nothing to say and when i try to think of something so as to not seem angry, i draw a blank and just get sad. this happened to me this morning when my dad asked if i was okay. and i am, just maybe a bit lonely and missing my friend. i think i may finish this book in one day. tomorrow i'll start 'downtown owl'. and i will feel accomplished much like i did last week. and then happiness will set in again.

a follow up.

i just finished ford county. and i loved it. it's around 300 pages and it took me about 4 days to finish which is HUGE for me because i'm only now getting into reading. it's just a book of short stories about small town people in ford county mississippi. you know the usual john grisham story lines, mostly dealing with lawyers and the quirkiness and drama of southern small town people. a few funny ones, a couple of pretty sad ones, and one that just kind of sat there. i'm still not sure what to make of the second to last story. all in all, i'd say i didn't like 'quiet haven' but as far as the entire book is concerned, i love it.

now on to book number 2. the perks of being a wallflower.

the last few days, i haven't been myself. i suppose i'll come around sooner or later. in the meantime, be patient with me. i still love you alot.