the landslide will bring you down

Two nights ago, I spent two hours writing this and then it got deleted when I added the pictures…so I’m attempting to re-write it and rest assured, it won’t be nearly as good as it was supposed to be and a multitude of things will be left out and forgotten. Dang. But anyway, here goes.

Last week I dealt with a scorching sinus headache every single day. It started out not so bad. At the beginning of the week I was still able to take meds and be okay. Last Tuesday, Wacey and Aaron called and said they were coming in town for the Eisley show which I had been wanting to attend all week but decided not to go because I wasn't feeling too spiffy. But it didn't take much convincing on their part because I really really wanted to go. I popped a couple of extra strength sinus meds and hopped my little tail on over to The Collective with the guys. It was FANTASTIC. I ran into tons of old friends from back in the day when I attended shows more frequently. I really miss those days. The venue was a new place in Shreve that I’d never been to before but it reminded me of the old coffee house shows I used to go to alot. And other than the a/c being broken, the whole night was great. Ya’ll...it was hotter than the hinges of hell in that place. So hot that I had to give up my place in the very front and go sit down in the back because it was making me nauseous. But that didn't take away from how amazing Eisley was. They are just so pretty and sound just as good live as they do on their record. I’ve been an Eisley fan for years so I was so happy to see them. But as the week progressed, so did my headache. By Friday it was debilitating. (However, that didn’t stop me from keeping my promise to workout everyday.) I woke up Saturday and actually felt like a human being so I decided to venture on over to West Monroe to visit Landon in the hospital. Poor boy had a staph infection in his knee. And a pretty bad one too. I surprised him bearing icees and we had a nice hour long visit until I decided to let him rest up and come on home. Thankfully he was out of the hospital by Monday so I baked him some cookies in honor of that. Snickerdoodles to be exact. And they were pretty fantastic if I do say so myself. It was my first time making them and I was so proud of myself that I danced around the kitchen when I pulled them out of the oven and saw that they turned out perfectly.

I’ve been really thankful for Landon lately. It’s comforting to just to have someone listen to you and be happy to do it. We’ve both been dealing with similar situations and I hope that I’ve been just as comforting to him as he has to me. Speaking of good friends, another thing I’m thankful for is old and new friends alike who have stuck by me regardless of whatever has happened with mutual parties. One sad thing about loosing a best friend is loosing all of the other friends that came with them. Fortunately, that hasn’t been my case.
A couple weeks ago, Wacey, Adam and I went to the Goo Goo Dolls show. Wacey’s mom was friends with their driver so we got free tickets. Apparently the band was waiting for us to come hang out after the show but we had already left so that didn’t happen…but Vedera opened which was a pretty sweet surprise.
But anyway, this all brings me to this week. This week started out all wrong. I woke up when I was supposed to be leaving for work. Was in such a rush that I ended up looking exactly like I felt. Which was not good. This happened 3 days in a row. Wednesday was particularly bad due to reasons that I won’t even go into because it would do no good and I’d probably just end up getting mad about it all over again…but after a quick text convo with Katie B. and dinner with mom and dad, I felt loads better. Also, my cousin called to inform me that he’s using his connections to find me another job. I found out this week that my current job is getting extended AGAIN. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful to have had it this long. It’s just not fulfilling and honestly, that’s what I need. So, the job hunt continues once again. Sometimes I just get tired and it takes a toll on me and my mood. I just have to keep reminding myself to keep calm and carry on. Sometimes, I just need to surround myself with people I love and who love me back. Sometimes you just need to talk. And sometimes, you just need to rest.

It is now Friday and I’m in higher spirits. It’s America’s birthday this weekend. I’m leaving work at noon and I won’t return until Tuesday. I plan on using the time to take full advantage of my refreshed attitude. Maybe I’ll paint. Maybe I’ll pick up my guitar for the first time in 10 years. But one this is for certain, this weekend will be filled with family, friends, twilight, bonfires, music, beer, hookah and mopeds.

22 days

Away from vacation number one for the summer. I’ve been watching a lot of Pixar movies lately and it’s gotten me all excited. I’m going to be watching A LOT of Disney and Universal movies from here on out. Especially Harry Potter. In prep for this…

You know when you’re little and Disney World and Universal Studios always seem like far away lands where your favorite movies are actually real? Then when you get the chance to go it’s like magic? And you know how when you get older that magic dies because we’re no longer naïve? Like the first time you find out Santa Claus isn’t real? And Christmas is still special but we don’t get that same excitement that we used to? Well…..in regards to Disney World and Universal Studios, I’m happy to report that I STILL feel it. I’m still giddy with excitement. And to me, it’s still “real”.

I remember being little and watching the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon at my cousins house because we didn’t have cable or satellite. It was the highlight of my day, week, month, whatever….to get to watch those channels because it was a rare treat. I remember thinking that it would be awesome to actually get to go to those places and how sad I was when I knew that I’d probably never get to go. And I didn’t. Until I was 17. And it was still incredible. Then I visited Universal Studios again when I was 20. And it was still amazing. I’m going back to Disney World AND Universal for my 24th birthday. And I’m still excited.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter opened up this weekend. It will have only been open a month when I get there. And I can’t contain my excitement. Not because it’s Harry Potter World. But because getting to actually go there so soon after it opens is like my childhood dream coming true. Had you told me that I would be doing this when I was little, the 8 year old version of me would have cried from being so happy.

All of this is probably due to the fact that on the inside, I am still 8 years old. And it doesn’t take much to get me excited. And I’m so glad that I’ll be sharing it with my mom who is herself still 8 on the inside. And friends that are too.

Then on August 23, right after I get off work, I’ll be venturing over to Dallas to meet up with Katie B. The next morning at 7:05am we will be on a plane to Charlotte. Then from Charlotte we will be on our way back to paradise.



I can’t wait. The first time I went there was after a situation EXACTLY like the one I’m in now…except not as dramatic. And it cured me. Something about that place makes you forget everything you leave behind in the states. I’m hoping it will have the same effect on me this go around.

Anway, I haven’t been writing a lot lately. It's been awhile since I've done a fun post like this. I miss it. I suppose it’s due to that funk I’ve been in…which I’m working my way out of by the way. I really want to feel inspired by things again. Otherwise I feel like I’m just writing meaningless dribble that no one but me will probably read. Which is exactly what this is. And that’s okay. As long as I know it’s out there :)

p.s. I miss days like this. Ahhh….college.


LOOK! IT'S ME AN LEON!.....almost....well it's our twins anyway.

i should be showered and sleeping by now...

but instead, i've been doing everything but. even though i'm exhausted and have to be up at 5am.

lately i've been coming to my blog and i've started a post, then about 5 minutes in, i decide against writing because i refuse to write when i'm upset and have little more than negative things to vent about. and let's be honest, who wants to read that? but this time, i'm following through. don't worry, this is not a pity party. my hope is that whoever reads this, finds it as inspiration.

something happened today. something that wasn't easy but at the same time was a relief. i've been holding on to unpleasant memories. but after today's events, i've decided that this is the best thing that could've happened to me. i was sad at first. and maybe i still am. but at the same time, i feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

closure is something that we has humans need to move on. my closure today wasn't what i had hoped for. but it WAS closure. and it has made me realize that this was a blessing in disguise. the pain i have felt these last few months is more than i ever imagined i could feel. but now i know that i can handle anything because i have made it through this. and i will continue to push forward. because i can.

trust is something that people gain over time. but it's also something people can lose in a second. it's like loosing weight. it takes forever. but it only takes a couple of days to get fat. it's also like this: hate is easy. love takes courage.

why are the bad things always the easiest?

well who knows why that is. but i do know that i have found comfort in a few things during this. yesterday i got to visit with family that i don't get to see that often. it wasn't under the best circumstances but i am happy i got to see my loves. and that's what they are. my loves.

as jenny tweeted earlier this week, the thing about passionate people is that when they love you, they REALLY love you...but when they hate you.......oh man. and that's what i am. a passionate person. i have a love for my family that goes beyond words. they can ALWAYS make me happy no matter what. and i don't hate anyone by any means...but like jenny said, i feel things so much more than the average person. which sometimes i feel is a curse...but i mean i REALLY love my family. i couldn't ask for a better one. so instead of being angry for feeling so upset when i get hurt, i'm thankful for feeling so much love toward people that actually love me back. my family is the best thing about my life and i'm beyond thankful for them. especially during a time when i felt like being happy was impossible.

everyday i wonder, "why is it that humans can effect each other so drastically?"....like, why has this been SUCH a huge blow? i mean it's just ONE person. but that's not how it works. maybe i won't get over it. maybe i'll always be affected by it. but to feel something so deep is a gift. it's proof that i am capable of something real. i'm going to use this experience as a step forward.

my brother told me something yesterday that i've always known but never really considered. i have NOTHING holding me back. i can literally do anything i want. so why haven't i? eye. opener.

i have alot to consider in the coming months. this will be my year for change and improvement.

as for other mood boosters...there is this new show on tv land called 'hot in cleveland'. i watched the series premiere tonight. um. LOVE. for some reason, i always relate to shows about women who are 40 and older. golden girls changed my life. literally. so i'm SO glad that betty white is in this new show. in the first 10 minutes, i was hooked. i know i said this already but i related SO much to it. there's something to be said about a tv show that can make you feel better about life. thank you betty.

my friends. my REAL friends. i'm blessed to have people there for me that actually understand. people who get it. and people who will love me no matter what my faults are.

bottom line is that people in general have disappointed me lately. people i trusted. but i can still hold my head high because i throughout it all, i have "kept calm and carried on". i was nice even when it was hard to be. because i'm better than that.

i hope that you will do the same. stay classy no matter what. take the highest roads and pray for those who have done you harm. you'll come out on top every time.

pain is funny thing. but what would life be worth without it? we damn sure wouldn't appreciate the good. and i'm SO thankful for the good.