frustrated...

not to be a debbie downer or anything, but it's REALLY frustrating when things just DON'T work. searching and searching for a good job, finally getting an interview, really liking how the job sounds, the people that work there, great benefits, and then bam...they low ball the ever loving shit out of you.

last night was a doozy. i'm okay now because i have a plan. but still, it'd be nice to stop having this job hunt hanging over my head.

i'm just so frustrated and discouraged. i am good designer. there i said it. i am. and i deserve a good job. it's really discouraging when you see people that don't have the slightest clue about design and they have the job you deserve. they didn't work for it. it was handed to them. and they're not even designers.

i busted my ass for 4.5 years for this? no no no..this can't be right.

but in other news, jazz fest was EPIC.

band of horses.

pearl jam.
old crow with ED HELMS!
van morrison.
the dead weather.
bb king.

lauren saw maggie gylenhaal.
apparently she walked right by me and i didn't even notice.

but....the greatest moment:

jack white, in three simple words, changed my life.

"it's just water."

thank you jack. never again will i hate the rain.
i will embrace it and forever remember that last 30 seconds that the rain poured down on me while you played the shit outta that gretsch.

"will there be enough water?"
there was that day.

p.s. alison baby, i love you more than ever. you never cease to amaze me.

jazz fest preview.

a playlist of the bands/musicians i'll be seeing this weekend at jazz fest. for mine and your own enjoyment and lauren and jenny's prep listen.

*not all songs are originals because i couldn't find them on mixpod.

*'baby please don't go' is not an original van morrison song. he actually did a cover of big joe williams' 1935 original. morrison's version was included on his greatest hits, it's amazing, and he will more than likely play it so it's included on this list. i couldn't find his version but aerosmith does an amazing job as well.

*'forever my queen' is a cover of pentagram's original. i think i like dead weather's version better. my god alison, i am in love with you. no really.

*i wasn't able to find a working version of bb king's 'lucille' on mixpod, but it is MUST HEAR so look it up and prepare yourself for the greatest blues experience of all time.

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

monday @ 10 and before.

something is taking place. i'm not going into detail about what it is. i don't want to jinx it (which i know is stupid but still....) this is something that i've been working toward for 5 years and i'm praying for the right words to get me through it successfully. pray for me. i need this. pray that next week i'll finally be able to say that i became what i wanted to be when i grew up. and even if i don't make it through, at least it's something. something more than what i've been getting in the past. pray. hard. i need this so so SO much.

but...before monday @10, this weekend, i'm going to fulfill six dreams in two days. jazz fest, thank you for scheduling six of my favorite bands and musicians in one glorious weekend. i will enjoy you in the sunshine or the rain. i will sit on blankets with two of my loves and get lost in the blissful moments that surround me. the pretty music coming from all directions. i'm going to let it fill me up. there is little that i love more than music and friends. except maybe live music with friends.


i will see the following:

band of horses.

pearl jam.

old crow medicine show.

van morrison.

the dead weather.

and the great mr....

for years it's been my dream to see bb. i can assure you that tears will roll when i see him sunday. i believe that it is a great blessing to have the opportunity to see such an iconic musician.

i have friends who are taking leaps and bounds to improve their lives. this is inspiring to me. and jenny and lauren, i am speaking of you and your recent posts.

dear jenny, to simplify is to cleanse. and that is a healthy habit that i am taking from you and incorporating into my own life. making purchases based on only things that you love and don't just like is what i believe to be the key to preventing buyers remorse. thank you for teaching me that.

dear lauren, i want you to not dwell or worry on making the right decision, because in fact, whatever decision you do make, was meant to be. and it is all going to work out the way it should. as for relaxing and surrounding yourself with happy things, that is something that i try to practice daily. thank you for reminding me to do that today.

right now, i am growing. and healing. and making necessary changes. i am learning. i am practicing. i am teaching. i am waiting. and i am genuinely, not temporarily, happy for the first time in much too long.

"everything is going the way it should. if it were supposed to be going another way it would."

twilight

i've done it. i've finally dug into 'twilight'. and i can't say that i hate it. in fact, i really love it like everyone said i would. which i never doubted really. i just hate twilight groupies.

i've never been a big kristen stewart fan. she's too...."angsty" as lauren would say. yep. i think she hit the nail on the head with that one. bella is too sweet and shy to have someone like miss stewart play her. i mean, i r e a l l y don't like her as bella. like....r e a l l y. she's too awkward in my opinion.

anyway, i'm reading the last chapter today. amazon should be delivering the set of books to my house today so tonight i'll start on 'new moon'.

i've really enjoyed reading this. i found myself laughing ALOT over how perfect edward is. i mean, ONLY a woman could come up with that. he knows exactly what to say and exactly when to say it. like i said, only a woman could write that because no man could speak words like that on his own. i mean, he lays it on a little thick sometimes. and it's hilarious to me. but i still love it. i kinda wish the movies were more like the books.

i'm sick AGAIN. i swear, i get sick soooo much. it's exhausting. last night i went straight home and took some nyquil. i was passed out by 6. today will be much the same. the only thing good about this is all the sleep i'm getting.

i'm planning a trip to new orleans for jazz fest. hotel's getting book within the next few days. waiting for cruise prices to go back down then snagging up tickets for that. i have things i need to do today but i REALLY don't feel like doing them. but i guess getting an oil change is kind of important. shit.

yeah. i've got nothing for you.

Jazz Fest 2010 Line-Up

um. hey there. is jazz fest serious this year? like...are you effin' kiddin' me?

SAT: APRIL 24
SIMON & GARFUNKEL
MY MORNING JACKET

SUN: APRIL 25
THE ALLMAN BROTHERS

THUR: APRIL 29
BLUES TRAVELER

FRI: APRIL 30
ARETHA FRANKLIN

SAT: MAY 1
PEARL JAM
BAND OF HORSES
OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW

SUN: MAY 2
VAN MORRISON
BB KING
THE DEAD WEATHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean, i'm really not sure i can deal with this. it's too much. it's like a kid that's surrounded by awesome toys and he can't decide which ones he wants because he can't have them all and then he freaks out and has a nervous breakdown.

i know one thing. i ain't missin dead weather. that shit is a rare delicacy and the greatest thing i've ever laid my eyes and ears on. the other date i plan to attend will be determined when i've had time to collect myself. i'm torn between april 24 and may 1. unless someone wants to buy a third day for me.....